When Nat first moved to Mondstadt she would often have nightmares that kept her from wanting to go to bed. When the anxiety kept her up, she would often go to Windrise, feeling peace underneath the Dandelion Knight’s tree, sometimes falling asleep there only to be found by Kaeya or Diluc the next morning. Nat hadn’t had a nightmare in quite some time, occasionally having one when stress was starting to boil over, but tonight was different.

Nat was standing in the middle of a barren, snow covered field, one she remembered from her childhood, though the name has escaped her mind. There was blood splattered across the beautiful white layer of snow, ruining the cleanliness of it all. Nat was alone, but felt weary, looking down at herself and inspecting what she was wearing. She had on a Fatui jacket, long and dark with expensive and sharp jewels embellishing it. Underneath, her shirt was torn revealing fresh burns that covered her entire stomach and there was a piercing noise that rang in her ears.

Reaching for her sword, Nat stood ready for whatever may approach her in the field, where she was a sitting duck. She heard footsteps approaching from her left and turned to see a red headed boy walking toward her in the distance. As he got closer, she could’ve sworn it was Ajax’s older brother, but his face had that goofy Ajax smile that always made Nat feel safe. Now, it made her uneasy.

She tried to yell, to say his name, to ask what was going on, but nothing came out when she opened her mouth besides blood. She wiped the blood off of her chin as Ajax started clapping and laughing as he got closer.

“Congratulations Natalya, your initiation into the Fatui has been a success. Who would’ve ever thought.” Ajax laughed, and Nat gripped her sword tighter. She heard familiar voices come from behind her, whipping around and taking out her sword to see both her parents behind her.

“We’re so proud of you darling!” Her mom praised, clasping her hands together, while her dad stared at her.

“Who would’ve thought you would make us proud.” Her father scoffed. Nat quickly turned back to Ajax in an attempt to figure out what in the archons was going on, but it wasn’t Ajax she was faced with. It was Dottore. Nat plunged her sword into his abdomen, but the Doctor only laughed, grabbing Nat by the shoulders, pushing her back into the snow. She looked up in horror as Dottore and Ajax looked down at her.

“He helped me when you abandoned me. Now, you’ll be his little experiment for the rest of your life as an outstanding member of the Fatui,” Ajax said as he bent down to be eye level with Nat on the ground. Ajax continued, “The Doctor even said I can help,” with his final word Ajax plunged a sword into Nat’s shoulder, pinning her to the ground and ending her nightmare. 

When she awoke she was in Albedo’s arms, unable to steady her breathing, tears streaming down her face. Her entire body was shaking despite having on the sweater and blanket that normally kept her warm throughout the night.

“It’s okay Nat, I’m right here, “Albedo spoke, pausing to give her a minute to figure out her bearings. He continued, “name three things you can hear right now.” Albedo spoke quietly and calmly, working to coax Nat out of her panic. 

“Your voice,” Nat paused, trying to breathe. “The wind outside the window.” Nat paused again.

“You’re doing great, do you hear anything else?” Albedo questioned.

“The clock is ticking.” Nat finally answered.

“Yes, maybe we should dispose of the clock. The ticking can become quite irritable. Can you tell me three things you smell?” He continued. Nat took a deep breath through her nose.

“Your cologne, the remnants of tonight’s tea, and,” Nat paused again, taking a shaky breath before continuing, “Calla Lilies.” She finished.

“Good thing we picked some fresh ones today. Now open your eyes and let me know three things you see.” Albedo asked once more, and Nat realized she had been squeezing her eyes shut the entire time as Albedo pulled her in closer. He continued, “It’s okay, I’m here and I won’t let anything hurt you.” Nat took Albedo’s word and opened her eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the darkness.

“I see Dodoco,” Nat said as she looked at the Dodoco Klee must have left behind earlier in the day. Her eyes darted across the room, trying to see something else in the dark. “I see my vision and your face.” She finished with a shaky smile. Albedo laughed at her answer, pulling her in closer and laying back down, becoming comfortable once more. Nat leaned her head on his chest and Albedo noticed her hands were still shaking as he took one hand in his.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He inquired, but Nat shook her head no. “Are you sure? It’s been so long since you’ve had a nightmare. Is everything okay?” Albedo asked, concern coating his voice. Nat gave in, trying to be as open with Albedo as she could.

“I’ve been fine, but the dream had Ajax and Dottore. I was in the Fatui and Ajax wanted revenge on me for abandoning him and I was becoming a full time test subject for them. My parents were there too… It was uncomfortable.” Albedo held Nat tighter, but did not answer. Honestly. Nat appreciated the silence and eventually they both fell back into a somewhat decent sleep.

The next day Nat’s entire body felt tense as she walked around Mondstadt doing her rounds with the shop owners. Her final stop was Marjorie, where she checked in to see if Eula’s group successfully cleared the paths to Sumeru.

“Yes, the trade routes are back up and running and our supply is back to normal. Make sure to thank the knights for me,” Marjorie said as she went back inside her store. As Nat walked away, she started to feel light headed, still exhausted from her lack of sleep after her nightmare, and chose to sit down on the fountain near the shop. Nat had put her head in her hands when Kaeya approached sitting next to her.

“Are you okay?” Kaeya asked quietly, a smile on his face as he patted Nat on the back. She let out a groan in response. “Ah, rough day? Or rough night?” Kaeya laughed, causing Nat to look at him with a face of disgust. 

“Why are you like this?” Nat asked, as she put her head back into her hands, “I felt lightheaded, so I took a seat.” Nat answered. Kaeya’s face went from one of humor to one of worry at her response.

“Are you okay? Should I call for Lisa? Could it relate to your injury?” Kaeya rambled.

“No, I’m fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night, I’ve had a lot on my mind today.” Nat explained quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear. 

“Oh,” Kaeya started as he stood up, “Let’s head back to my place and chat.” Nat followed suit, standing up as they returned to the knight’s headquarters. Kaeya knew the look on Nat’s face meant she was having nightmares again. He had seen the face a few times and he was honestly surprised that she hadn’t had one since her accident.

Nat and Kaeya had bonded over many things over the last few years, nightmares being just one of them. The faux siblings found comfort in one another any time they felt like outsiders too, Nat being the only one besides to Diluc to know his heritage and Kaeya being the only one who could sympathize with Nat. 

She often felt like a villain amongst the knights, many in Liyue whispered about the Snezhnayan Knight. How pitiful, how could they trust her? In fact, Nat had found herself in one too many sticky situations because of her heritage; often Fatui members would go out of their way to attack her, saying she wasn’t worthy of the sword gifted to her by Crepus. How dare she represent our nation with that sword when she doesn’t even respond to our lady the Tsaritsa. 

Once they started to confide in one another, they each started to feel more comfortable in their skin. Nat felt more confident in battle against Fatui members after Kaeya reminded her she earned the right to her sword and Kaeya felt less like a traitor when Nat reminded him of all the good he does for Mondstadt and for her. 

Once in Kaeya’s room he spoke, “Nightmares again?” Kaeya asked, and Nat nodded her head in response.

When Nat had first come to Mondstadt, Kaeya was very privy to her nightmares and after Diluc had left, Kaeya admitted to having nightmares at first as well. Kaeya continued.

“How long have they been going on this time?” He asked.

“This was the only one, it was different from the others. It seemed more in the future.” Nat responded.

“Nothing about the wolves or Ajax?” Kaeya prodded.

“Ajax was there, but he was alive and an adult. My parents were there, Dottore, and I was a Fatui member. It was my worst nightmare come true.” Nat finished her sentence in a hushed tone.

“When Diluc first left I had a nightmare for the first time in years. Crepus was alive still, but he hated me. I was an adult, Diluc was gone, and I found out that Diluc had died that day instead of Crepus. Crepus called me a traitor and,” he paused as he reflected, “I never had another one again. Adelinde thought it was all the pressure of taking Diluc’s place, not having his support. When I reminded myself that I had people like you and Jean in my corner, it seemed to scare the nightmares away.” Kaeya smiled at Nat.

“But I have nothing happening that should be causing a nightmare. The Fatui aren’t in Mondstadt, everyone is safe, and I’m not alone.” Nat stammered.

“Natalya, you just opened up to us about the worst parts of your childhood. You opened wounds that you locked away for years, dreams like that are bound to bubble up.” Nat knew that Kaeya was right but she hated giving him that pleasure. So instead they sat in silence on his bedroom floor until Kaeya asked, “Does Albedo know you have nightmares?”

“Yeah, he’s really great with them. He knows how to ground me.” She paused, “It just sucks not being able to spar or battle or expel any of this pent up energy from the dream. I couldn’t sleep and now I can’t do the one thing that settles me.” Nat sounded defeated as she spoke.

“Five more weeks?” Kaeya responded.

“Five more weeks.” Nat confirmed. 

Later that night, after she had helped Albedo put Klee to bed, she and Albedo were just about to fall asleep when he whispered, “I brought more Cecilia flowers with me tonight, they’re supposed to help with sleep. I also cracked the window so we’ll be closer together. Feeling a physical body next to you can help ground you even in your dreams. But if that doesn’t work, I’m right here Nat.” He finished with a kiss to her forehead. 

That night there were no nightmares, but for the next few weeks Nat still felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Only time would tell what was coiling within.